It's Okay To Not Be Okay

I've been prepping for 2 months now. Which honestly doesn't sound like a long time (8 weeks, that sounds better) but sometimes it feels like ages have passed - Time seems to pass slower when you're counting down to your next meal. And for the most part I've kept it all together. But this week, I'm struggling. Struggling to keep eating only what I'm supposed to. To do the cardio and extra workouts like I'm supposed to. I'm a toddler who doesn't want to eat her broccoli even though it's good for me so I'm sitting at the table crying...over broccoli.

Now I cry over a lot of stuff - but never broccoli.

And I look back to last year - 6 weeks out - and I was in the same spot. Struggling to see progress. Struggling getting back into the gym for more work. Struggling because I'm exhausted and have momentarily lost my excitement about this journey.

Key word: momentarily.

This journey isn't easy, it's not for the weak hearted. It takes a lot to sit around while others eat delicious La Fiesta and cake. It takes a lot to not eat the free food provided at a work function...all...week...long. It takes a lot not to shove spoonfuls of peanut butter into your face because you're home alone and only the dogs will know.

It's hard but it's not impossible.

Now the leg workouts that Chas programs - those are close to impossible. Seriously. You think CrossFit is hard, let her give you a leg workout. The 2nd day soreness is real.

And so it goes - the highs and lows that come with prep. Being able to look back and see that I was here before but also see that I made it through then, I know I can make it through now. If there's one thing I've learned - It's okay to not always be okay. 

So to close, I apologize if you came my way and left wondering where my normal peppy self was - give it a minute, she'll be back. And thank you for continuing to love me through it all.

I'm Back!

It's been a hot minute since I blogged. I finished my show, started focusing on getting married, and figured people didn't care to read my random thoughts. But since starting prep again - yes I'm doing not one but TWO more figure shows this year! - since starting up again, I realized that blogging wasn't for other people, it was for me.

Getting my thoughts out was therapeutic, especially while doing something most people don't understand. 

So here I am, sitting in my hotel room, drinking my protein shake in bed after workout #2, writing to all of you. And yes, you guessed it, I'm travelling again during prep. woo. I will say that this time it's much easier since I'm not in the "no sodium" phase but I'm still restricted and still surrounded by temptation.

And with these events comes the questions - oh the many many questions. This time it's not just the 'why' either but 'teach me how to do it'. I find myself looking into hopeful eyes - eyes that are waiting for me to say the magic word or give them the special key to losing weight or "getting fit". But there is none. And those same hopeful eyes turn sad being told yet again that it's just hard work and knowing your goal and deciding that  reaching the goal is more important than that cookie on the table.

Then there are those eyes that just find what I'm doing to be...well not stupid but...unnecessary? Maybe that's the word. Regardless - those eyes are the hardest ones. And I found myself in these last 2 days trying to defend my choices, which I shouldn't have to do.

And that's when I realized another key to success - don't do it alone. 

I have a crazy awesome support system - friends and family alike. They don't question my choice but think it's awesome I'm trying. I have a husband who will hide the cookies from me regardless of my threats. A coach who never tires of my questions or complaints. Workout buddies who  have become close friends that encourage me every day.

Desire, hard work, and a crazy awesome support squad. That's the "key" to success.

Oh - and take flexing photos to remind yourself you're awesome. So get ready, because I'm jut getting started!

(Only 6 and  half weeks till show #1, wow.)

Monday Minute

This past week I really struggled. Struggled waking up for the early morning WOD that I typically love. Struggled getting food prepped. Struggled staying upbeat in general.

Then I drug my sorry butt to 7am Booty Camp and followed it with another killer workout. I can't lie, I considered modifying every mini WOD. Every rep I thought, 'go ahead cut it down." But then the angel on my shoulder told that voice in my head to shut up - to keep pulling the reps and to keep adding weight. 

Yes, my angel isn't your typical kind, sweet voice. She knows I'm not someone to let up and gives me a kick in the pants.

We all have those voices saying it's ok to cut the weight, it's ok to modify the reps, it's ok to let up. And yes, sometimes that voice is right. [Don't injury yourself trying to be an Olympic lifter] But then other times that voice is nothing more than self doubt; and you have to grit your teeth, suck in air, and rip that WOD a new one.

After Saturday I was sore [bc I had slacked off] - but I was energized. And it reminded me why I love getting up and working out at 5am. Why I love doing the extra programming and lifting heavy stuff. CrossFit allows you to push yourself and opens you up to new potential. It's not a competition against the person on the mat next to you but a competition between you and your will power.

Then you wake up Monday morning and see a weight lifting cardio WOD and reconsider loving the 5am class haha.