You Have That Face

(H)Angry
Aloof
Addicted

These, all in their own way, reflect what's going on in my life right now. Yes, the struggle is real.

Hangry is in full effect this week. Not just hangry - but fangry (food angry or the other f-word, either really works). This week alone I've helped set up a candy bar at work, sat through a Chick-Fil-A carry in, and watched as my family devoured a donut. Yes I made this choice, yes I'm now playing the victim - I get the irony, but it doesn't make it easier. Having the end goal is what gets me through not caving. 

Truthfully, I'm good from about 5am till about 2pm. Then I just want something to crunch. Because it doesn't matter how crispy you get your fish, it doesn't have the same crunch like a peanut. Yes...I'm constantly day dreaming about peanut butter.

Aloof: not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant.

Scotty, came up to me last night and said, "You have that face, the show is near." Now let's explain the face - I'd like to call it determined but it's honestly probably more a stay the hell away from me expression. I'm not typically a victim of RBF but in the final weeks of prep, you truly can't help it. You put the headphones in, crank the dirty rap, and get going. And I find myself wanting to lash out for no rational reason. For example: Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I worked out in public without a shirt on - because, I kid you not, my shirt was pissing me off. My clothes in general were pissing me off but being nude would've probably been frowned upon so I kept the rest on.

But aside from the RBF, there's really not a lot going on in my head other than "you can do this, just get through it". It's a constant battle of wanting to yell and wanting to cry mixed with hysterical laughter because you know you're a little insane at this point. But I swear I won't rip your head off if you want to chat, chatting actually takes my mind off the suck so I welcome it. 

My addition is...gum. I hate gum. Seriously, in my normal life I never chew gum. The proof being how swore my jaw muscles are just from 2 days of chewing it. But it's all I have at this point to curb any cravings. So here I am, gum packets everywhere - my car, my desk, my gym bag, my purse. Every. Where. I'm also addicted to my copper pan, best money ever spent and I have Evan on a strict "do not use" policy (not kidding). I crisp anything and everything in that bad boy just to add a little extra dimension to my 4 meals of fish. It's helped me actually look forward to my afternoon orange roughy...never thought I'd see that happen. Ever.

I think that elegantly sums up my mood for the week. On the horizon is a new meal plan, probably absent what little carb I've been clinging to (I'll be over in the corner crying). But we're almost there - I can almost smell my bag of Oreos...