Work in Progress

My parents would argue that I'm not a perfectionist - because they watched me all throughout school trying to get by with sub par work. I think I heard the, "If you just applied yourself more" speech at least a hundred times. The problem, my problem if you will, is that I won't give the 110% unless I decide to. I'm as much perfectionist as I am stubborn and if I haven't fully bought into something and someone tries to push me, I will completely resist. Just ask my dad.

It has to be something I want 

So in the beginning, I truly had to decide, is this what I want to do? Because as physically challenging as this whole journey is, I've learned it's mentally and emotionally challenging too. Have a rough day? Can't grab for that bottle of wine. Getting ready to start your period? Sorry, can't drown everything in chocolate.

And ok, I'll say it, maybe this journey isn't for everyone. Some people might only last a week on my strict meal plan before reaching for the gummy bears. Others may be able to tough it out but never do 6 days of cardio because it just doesn't work for them. So after deciding I wanted to do it, I had to decide, how badly do I want it? I'm not perfect - faaar from it. I've over eaten my almonds - licked my finger making cookies for Evan - had a bite of banana. Don't judge me. But I've never touched candy, or cheese, or had a single bite of pizza. And yes the 5am workouts and not getting home from auxiliary till 7 are rough - but those 5am workouts are how Evan and I spend time together. We've made it work because he knows how badly I want this.

Once I've bought in, I'll give it my all. And I've completely bought into this journey - this lifestyle. The pushing, the time and effort, all of it I'm totally on board with. But I have to remind myself every day to not obsess with "perfection". I look at videos and photos of figure girls and I'm so intimidated. "I don't have those shoulders, my posing is horrendous, how do I get my abs to show like that." This is my first show and while I've come a long way, I still have more to go. I know perfection isn't something that will happen tomorrow or even in the next 6 weeks - a lifestyle change doesn't happen overnight.

It takes time. 

Stick with this and I'll get there. I've been at this for a mere 3 months, not only is this my new normal but this truly is becoming my new lifestyle. Rome wasn't built in a day. Who knows, maybe someday I'll live the dream of being paid to workout, drink coffee, and wear Nike... Too much?

The suit is purchased, the hotel is booked, tanning is set. Now it's just continuing the journey. I'm still practicing my posing (literally every time I'm in front of a mirror). A work in progress at it's finest, especially those crazy hands. And I'll be damned but I just can't figure out how to make the belly look nice in a pose. But the ladies and I are heading to Columbus for a class this weekend - we'll be super star show girls in no time!

6 weeks out. 6. Let the good times roll!