Just Keep Swimming

As we move the count down to a mere 3 weeks I'm trying to focus on that dim light at the end of the tunnel. At this point it's mostly a mental game. The struggle of evening auxiliary, continuing a minimally appealing meal plan, and just wanting a giant hot fudge sundae is enough to make anyone want to quit. And trust me, it's crossed my mind. But then I remind myself - just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Which is fitting since my current diet consists of mostly fish, haha. 

Up until these last 2 weeks I was all, "I totally may do this again." Now - oh hell no. Nope. Done done. [but ask me again in 3 weeks, I have a feeling that'll change again]

The trip home was no easier than the trip out. Having a gate next to Subway where the smell makes your mouth water was particularly trying. But just stepping outside the airport and seeing Evan brought a burst of calmness back to my world.

We drove immediately from the airport to the gym, where I watched my dad complete his first Master's Regional workout. Getting a foot back in the gym filled my nearly empty cup back up - watching my dad push himself through burpees, overhead squats, and ring dips filled it over the top. I'm still amazed and in awe at his 34 unbroken overhead squats, he's seriously worked so hard for those.

My body is readjusting back to "normal" life now that I'm home; my stomach hated me after the zillion drink packets I consumed while away and my body just wanted me to sleep. But it was business as usual this weekend - meal prep meal prep meal prep. We spent time outside, got dressed up for some spring photos, and spent time together. That's been super helpful getting through these last weeks - the down time with Evan and my family. My weeks are so busy that I try to soak up every minute of the weekend with them, they're my biggest fans after all.

And having this view for morning cardio wasn't too bad either! Still wishing I could be out there with them - but I know, trust me I know, I couldn't hang. The most recent "milestone" if you will is the energy loss. The closer we get the less energy I have and those 30 minutes on cardio are all I can muster - even with my thermo in the morning. [also incline-able treadmills were made by the devil]

I work every day - every single day - on my posing. And now that there's a lovingly dubbed show girl room, "knock first, we may be flexing", I have a space to practice at the gym too! Still a work in progress but a vast improvement from day one. Next time I'll remember my shoes...

Speaking of shoes - these bad boys will be making every trip with my from now on. After last week, I officially hate working out in tennis shoes.

3 weeks - technically 19 days. NINETEEN. Unreal. Just keeping swimming, just keep swimming... 

What Day Is It?

It's amazing how much longer a day feels when you've sat in meetings all day long. And how tired you feel after a day of sitting and listening to others talk. 

Tuesday was a loooong day. Mid-afternoon snack time included full sized candy bars, ice cream bars, chocolate covered marshmallows, and popcorn. Truth be told I was both disgusted by the fact it was all junk and yet envious because - ice cream. So I decided to forgo the evening cocktails and dinner because avoiding that temptation all day drained my energy and I still needed to get in auxiliary. Another empty gym allowed for proof that I'm still gettin' my swole on! 

Wednesday, oh Wednesday. Jet lag, upset food schedule, working weird hours - it all caught up with me and I just wasn't feel myself. I managed to put one foot in front of the other and participate in the workshops but then dinner was out to a Mexican restaurant. Freaking Mexican! Talk about feeling sorry for myself - I so desperately wanted to dive into those chips and dip or engulf a margarita, but I stayed strong. Largely in part to the texts I received throughout the day wishing me encouragement. The universe knew I was struggling and sent my friends to rally behind me - I love you all! 

I knew I had an awesome support system and after being away for a week I'm even more appreciative of each motivating face I see. 

Tomorrow I get on a jet plane bound for Ohio and I cannot tell you how excited I am! My loved ones, the comfort of my own home, getting back in the gym with my show girls. Here's to the end of an extremely tough week and to looking forward to that light at the end of the tunnel.

 

#inittowinit

Today starts what is sure to be the most trying week thus far in my competition prep. I was given the wonderful opportunity to join my team at our National Service Meeting in Phoenix, AZ so here I am! I googled all about "how to travel during prep, so I knew it was doable. But all day meetings surrounded by free food I can't eat? Talk about being in your own personal hell. 

The travel here was hard: plane rides, layovers, hunger. Traveling used to mean a bag of Twizzlers and a Monster...not this time. And I already started doubting myself. 

I was able to bring my meat as my carry on - fish and chicken. Along with some other essentials that were easily packed in my checked bag. But I had to find a grocery store within walking distance of my hotel to get everything else.

My morning: After 5:30a cardio and a shower I began the mile trek to what was the cutest grocery store ever! Sprout's, think farmers market meets Kroger. Got all my stuff, double bagged it, and began the walk back...aka workout #2 haha. Traps were on fire and I needed another shower.

This is the result of breakfast- this weeks motto has become "make it work". 

Now as I sit by the pool for the only 2 hours I get to myself all week (because white girl needs color) I feel very confident I can do this. Could the sun and heat be making me delusional? Maybe. And I'm sure I'll have explained this journey at least 10 times before the day is done but I didn't come this far to falter. 

Afternoon: After a 6 hour meeting I managed to avoid the cookies and snacks and no one complained about my tuna time. Even mingled at cocktail hour with my bottle of water in hand. 

Traveling during prep isn't for the faint hearted. And I repeated "the strong will always be tested" to myself at least a hundred times. But I can do this, I will do this, I want to do this. 

Finished the day getting in a killer hammie workout. And with an empty gym I just couldn't help myself - happy muscle Monday all! 

Where You Are

If you look at my calendar it's jam packed. We have a wedding in 7 months (and everything leading up to it), a house that's in  need of updates, outdoor projects that are endless - and I sometimes forget to focus on where I am right at this moment. 

Too worried about tomorrow and not today. 

Show prep is and has been the driving force in my life for the last 14 weeks. It's what I've had to plan the rest of my life around - which isn't always easy. So this week it's about focusing where I am, today. And working with what I have, the good and the bad.

The food and mood: This week we cut salt. INSANE. I know. However, not that hard truthfully. It's been the loss of that sweet potato that's got me down. I've started getting food angry for everything I can't eat - aka fangry. Just ask Evan. Yesterday he thought it was a good idea to pull out a granola bar in the 10 minutes I was home to change before auxiliary. BUT I no longer get hangry - let's get real, I'm ALWAYS eating.

The routine: Throughout the journey I've had a fairly stable routine. Cardio - shake/shower - work/all my meals - auxiliary/dinner - bed. Again, I'm always eating. But instead of a shake in the shower, I have a meal to eat after 5am cardio. Egg whites and chicken don't work so well in the shower. So trying to fit a meal in before work in the morning has definitely thrown a curve ball into my morning routine...

The workout: I'm into more cardio and less Crossfit and I knew this would start to change eventually. My energy level has slowly been depleting with the changes to my meal plan and Crossfit was getting increasingly difficult. The problem - I'm into more cardio and less Crossfit...

The posing: I'm still totally terrified with the idea of being on stage, in a skimpy suit, and having to pose in 5in heels. Even after a day of posing practice - I'm a step above terrible. There's a lot to remember with each pose (and remember I'm a perfectionist). But this is my first show, and I've started a good foundation. I just need to learn to work what I have.

For instance - I focused on relaxed hands here and oh...nothing else. 

So that's where I'm at folks. Above all else, I need to enjoy these next 5 weeks. I need to focus on getting sleep, focus on finding my posing swag, and focus on each day of this journey. I mean, if I'm asleep at least I won't have cravings right?

I have to remember why I chose to do this. And remember how it's opened up so much more to me than just a figure show - It's shown me my true strength, brought immeasurable support, and given me a confidence I never knew I could carry. Things I tend to forget to enjoy as I stress about 'tomorrow'.

If I trip, Evan will cheer (he said so). If my body doesn't show every muscle, oh well. If I have Mr. Crab hands, at least that'll be memorable. Focus and enjoy - we're almost there!

Work in Progress

My parents would argue that I'm not a perfectionist - because they watched me all throughout school trying to get by with sub par work. I think I heard the, "If you just applied yourself more" speech at least a hundred times. The problem, my problem if you will, is that I won't give the 110% unless I decide to. I'm as much perfectionist as I am stubborn and if I haven't fully bought into something and someone tries to push me, I will completely resist. Just ask my dad.

It has to be something I want 

So in the beginning, I truly had to decide, is this what I want to do? Because as physically challenging as this whole journey is, I've learned it's mentally and emotionally challenging too. Have a rough day? Can't grab for that bottle of wine. Getting ready to start your period? Sorry, can't drown everything in chocolate.

And ok, I'll say it, maybe this journey isn't for everyone. Some people might only last a week on my strict meal plan before reaching for the gummy bears. Others may be able to tough it out but never do 6 days of cardio because it just doesn't work for them. So after deciding I wanted to do it, I had to decide, how badly do I want it? I'm not perfect - faaar from it. I've over eaten my almonds - licked my finger making cookies for Evan - had a bite of banana. Don't judge me. But I've never touched candy, or cheese, or had a single bite of pizza. And yes the 5am workouts and not getting home from auxiliary till 7 are rough - but those 5am workouts are how Evan and I spend time together. We've made it work because he knows how badly I want this.

Once I've bought in, I'll give it my all. And I've completely bought into this journey - this lifestyle. The pushing, the time and effort, all of it I'm totally on board with. But I have to remind myself every day to not obsess with "perfection". I look at videos and photos of figure girls and I'm so intimidated. "I don't have those shoulders, my posing is horrendous, how do I get my abs to show like that." This is my first show and while I've come a long way, I still have more to go. I know perfection isn't something that will happen tomorrow or even in the next 6 weeks - a lifestyle change doesn't happen overnight.

It takes time. 

Stick with this and I'll get there. I've been at this for a mere 3 months, not only is this my new normal but this truly is becoming my new lifestyle. Rome wasn't built in a day. Who knows, maybe someday I'll live the dream of being paid to workout, drink coffee, and wear Nike... Too much?

The suit is purchased, the hotel is booked, tanning is set. Now it's just continuing the journey. I'm still practicing my posing (literally every time I'm in front of a mirror). A work in progress at it's finest, especially those crazy hands. And I'll be damned but I just can't figure out how to make the belly look nice in a pose. But the ladies and I are heading to Columbus for a class this weekend - we'll be super star show girls in no time!

6 weeks out. 6. Let the good times roll!