Discipline

At a young age I was taught discipline in the form of a hot hand on my butt. Followed by time outs. Groundings. And the list goes on. Yes, I am an only child but my parents tried hard to make sure I had boundaries.

That discipline trickled over to other areas of my life growing up - sports, money mgmt, time mgmt. But it missed one crucial area - food. I have never been disciplined when it comes to food. You know that pasta measuring tool? It has a measure for 1 person, 2 people, family, horse? I'd do the horse portion and finish it in one sitting without thinking twice. Holiday time, "I'm going to take it easy this year..." Half a pie and a dozen cookies later. And don't even get me started on chips and dip. So to counter act my lack of discipline with food, I'd workout.

I'd put in some time so I could maintain feeling like a slug. 

Now let's fast forward to this spark of an idea - "I want to do a figure show." Looking back, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. Even more, I never imagined I'd be able to persevere through it all and live the disciplined lifestyle that a figure show requires. Discipline no longer feels like a negative word - but rather a positive way of life. This journey has shown me I have the strength to move passed what I want versus what my body needs. It's shown me food doesn't have to be drenched in cheese and fat to be delicious (though that doesn't mean it'll never happen again...Mexican food, c'mon). And it's shown me that I was simply existing versus striving for better.

My result of 17 weeks, 4 months, of discipline. 

For me - Discipline is portion control, the power to say no, and making that first effort to roll out of bed at 4am. 

Other things I've gained: 

• I'm able to drink black coffee. Seriously, even the "sugar free" stuff tastes too sweet and gross to me now. 
• Motivation to take risks.
• Finding flavor without adding salt. 
• Baking abilities with no added sugars. This one is currently a win Evan gets to enjoy.  
• Confidence to talk to anyone - about anything.
• Not skipping the gym because, "I'm too tired."
• A desire for more.

In truth, I'm less nervous about the show now and more nervous about the after. The after is unknown - and like with this journey I'm not quite sure what I'm getting myself into. I do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to revert back to my old ways or old self. [Even though I feel that is almost impossible, I crave this too much.] But do I want a little food freedom? Goodness yes! I know the transition back to normal life will be difficult; being able to have new food for starters will probably have me feeling like I'm cheating on Chastity. And finding what works will take some ebb and flow again but I know, like with this journey, I can handle it.

LESS THAN 2 WEEKS!  Now to walk around the house every night in my heels.