What's Next

Getting back into the swing of normal life is definitely going to take some getting used to. Whether it's realizing I'm allowed to take a break from my 2-a-days or getting my body back into only eating 4 meals versus 7, it's all going to take some time making that switch.

The sense of urgency hasn't completely left my system yet and I'm still on a high after this weekend. You would think I won the whole show with how excited I've been! For those that haven't seen my obnoxious posts, I placed 4th in my class. The class was comprised of 9 ladies; newbies, seasoned competitors, and masters. All of which stood at least 4 inches taller than me seeing as how I hit 5'6.25'' of the min 5'6'' height for class C.  And I couldn't tell you anything about being on stage - I don't remember feeling my feet move and my sole thought was eye contact followed by smile (which I would sporadically forget to do). But I do have proof! You can click here to view my pictures and videos!

I can't believe how much I loved it. Actually, that's a lie. When we first started this journey Chastity said I would fall in love - and every week I, little by little, I did. So the show, the show, showed me why I worked so stinking hard and proved all that discipline was worth it. I could not be more proud of how I looked on that stage. It's like nothing I could ever explain to someone, the fire that churns in your belly for months of prep all for 5 minutes in the spot light. But the feeling you're left with - satisfaction, overwhelming adrenaline maybe, it's addicting.

People keep asking, "What was the strangest thing you saw". Well that's tough. Because after getting sprayed tanned naked by a stranger in a room with other naked woman nothing really shocked me...Except the food. I saw girls eating jelly [JELLY] on rice cakes, real JIF peanut butter, cookies, donuts. Some girls even eating gummy worms and skittles before going on stage. Then there's me - with my baggie of fish and asparagus nibbling on my dry oats, which might I add I was super excited about. The weirdest though was probably the girl eating salt, straight salt, from the shaker. Thank goodness my meal plan didn't include that...but the gummy worms I would've taken.

For 4 months I've anticipated this weekend and that stage; now it's over and I'm left wondering what's next? 

Evan had to remind me: take a week off - and the look in his eyes made me remember, I promised some "us" time after everything he's lovingly put up with for last 4 months. And I had to remind myself that I don't have to rush off to run errands over lunch because I can do them after work - what?! After getting to WOD again after what felt like forever, I walked into the house and looked at Evan and said, "I literally don't know what to do with myself right now." He smiled and said, "Make us breakfast." Haha smart ass. But seriously, I felt lost. Before the show I had a schedule - I knew my meals so I pulled out whatever baggie or Tupperware container I needed for breakfast and that was that. Then I'd pull out whatever I needed for the rest of the day and put it on my lunch bag, boom all set. But that changed, there wasn't a meal plan to follow yet so I stared into the abyss that is my fridge trying to decide what is appropriate to make.

I'm slowly adjusting but I know I'll settle into a new routine. 

And the adjusting doesn't end there - I keep repeating the phrase "one bad day doesn't ruin a diet". Because let me be honest, Sunday I bashed on food...hard. Oreos, pretzels, potato chips, pancakes...my mouth is raw from my salt consumption. I woke up the next morning 10lbs heavier than my stage weight and a belly so soft that you'd think the abs I had were just a figment of my imagination. I won't sugar coat it (yes pun intended) all that messed with my head. I'm fully aware my stage bod is not maintainable, even the last few weeks leading up to the show wouldn't be maintainable - but that doesn't make it any easier "going back".

Finding my happy medium is going to pose just as much of a challenge as finding my stage presence. 

The ending question,"Will you do it again?" Yes. But not this year. I have a wedding that I am so excited to plan for in November and a fiance that I've missed spending time with. I'm going to continue being obnoxious with my posts because I think post show is just as important and show prep. But for now - bring on the wedding prep! 

Reflecting on Yesterday

Being in the home stretch it probably comes as no shock that I'm finding myself reflecting on everything that has happened over that last 4 months - what I see in the mirror and otherwise.

I see myself and I can't believe the transformation - I knew the body would change [well I believed the body would change] but it's been so much more than that. My smile is brighter, my back stands a taller, and I find myself wanting to inspire others - and I mean that in the most humble way possible. I want people to know it's ok to struggle. Because I've learned it's ok to struggle and it's ok to let other's know you're struggling. Being honest about the suck is important; being honest but never giving in to it.

If it were easy, everyone would do it.

I have to laugh sometimes, people will start complaining about their "new diet" then realize who they're talking to and what I've been going through. And I've watched my fair share of people go through fad after fad, sometimes doing the same fad over again, and it's the same outcome; a quick 30 day accomplishment then they return to where they started. Hell, I've been one of those people!

A diet won't fix it, a fad won't fix it. It's a lifestyle and I'm living proof that change is possible. 

They say it takes 21 days to make something a habit - I disagree. I say give it 3 months - 90 days. You won't remember 'what was' and will only know 'what is' - what is, is the lifestyle you've created. Even after my burrito baby cheat meal [thank you Chipotle], I'm not gnawing off my arm for more. I enjoyed every morsel of that burrito, it was incredible, but now it's back to business as usual. That's the real reward of this journey.

I honestly can't believe we're finally here, the final days - almost at the finish. But, truthfully, I'm not ready to get off the wagon just yet. Don't get me wrong, this journey has been a love/hate thing but the love overwhelmingly out weighs the hate. Some days have been much easier than others; I've traveled, I've been fangry, I've preserved and surprised myself. How do I go back to life without show prep? I don't; it's just no longer show prep - it's my life. But, let's begin it with a week of indulging maybe? Maybe, HA, definitely.

I still don't know why I did this - but I know I needed this.

Discipline

At a young age I was taught discipline in the form of a hot hand on my butt. Followed by time outs. Groundings. And the list goes on. Yes, I am an only child but my parents tried hard to make sure I had boundaries.

That discipline trickled over to other areas of my life growing up - sports, money mgmt, time mgmt. But it missed one crucial area - food. I have never been disciplined when it comes to food. You know that pasta measuring tool? It has a measure for 1 person, 2 people, family, horse? I'd do the horse portion and finish it in one sitting without thinking twice. Holiday time, "I'm going to take it easy this year..." Half a pie and a dozen cookies later. And don't even get me started on chips and dip. So to counter act my lack of discipline with food, I'd workout.

I'd put in some time so I could maintain feeling like a slug. 

Now let's fast forward to this spark of an idea - "I want to do a figure show." Looking back, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. Even more, I never imagined I'd be able to persevere through it all and live the disciplined lifestyle that a figure show requires. Discipline no longer feels like a negative word - but rather a positive way of life. This journey has shown me I have the strength to move passed what I want versus what my body needs. It's shown me food doesn't have to be drenched in cheese and fat to be delicious (though that doesn't mean it'll never happen again...Mexican food, c'mon). And it's shown me that I was simply existing versus striving for better.

My result of 17 weeks, 4 months, of discipline. 

For me - Discipline is portion control, the power to say no, and making that first effort to roll out of bed at 4am. 

Other things I've gained: 

• I'm able to drink black coffee. Seriously, even the "sugar free" stuff tastes too sweet and gross to me now. 
• Motivation to take risks.
• Finding flavor without adding salt. 
• Baking abilities with no added sugars. This one is currently a win Evan gets to enjoy.  
• Confidence to talk to anyone - about anything.
• Not skipping the gym because, "I'm too tired."
• A desire for more.

In truth, I'm less nervous about the show now and more nervous about the after. The after is unknown - and like with this journey I'm not quite sure what I'm getting myself into. I do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to revert back to my old ways or old self. [Even though I feel that is almost impossible, I crave this too much.] But do I want a little food freedom? Goodness yes! I know the transition back to normal life will be difficult; being able to have new food for starters will probably have me feeling like I'm cheating on Chastity. And finding what works will take some ebb and flow again but I know, like with this journey, I can handle it.

LESS THAN 2 WEEKS!  Now to walk around the house every night in my heels.