This Is What Memories Are For

7 weeks out - we're almost there!

Everyday I'm a little more nervous than the last. Scheduling my tanning, hair & makeup...buying my suit, walking in those heels. It's all becoming real, it's not just a dream anymore. Let's all just say a little prayer, that I don't trip as I walk across the stage for this dream.

^^5 inches...  

Please be kind and don't judge my posing yet. This is really my first attempt and I have the added difficulty of taking the pictures myself. Eventually, I'll ask Evan for his assistance. Eventually.

I know I've said it before - and I'll say it again - I never expected this show to give me all that it has. All the memories I'll take with me. Today I had a coworker say, "You're obviously not going to continue the 5am workouts after this." No, I am. And I'll continue going in an doing an extra workout 2 days a week too probably. (Insert disgusted face) "But...Why?" Because I love it and it makes me...better.

When all is said and done, as I'm shoving a cookie into my mouth, I know I won't remember the horrible cravings or mood swings. The crawling up the stairs after leg day or rolling back down them to get to the gym for fasted cardio.

I'm going to remember Sunday morning training with the girls - and just sitting down after to talk.

Chas putting time limits on my rest between sets because I'm talking too much; but always still there to joke around with me.

The car rides home after 5am with Evan - where I'm still running on the thermo and he's lovingly listening to me ramble on and on.

Diane joining me - because friends don't let friends auxiliary alone.

The first time I saw an ab, an actual ab, in the mirror. (yes this one is conceited, sue me)

The new friendships I found.

Sharing the laughs, the fears, the jokes.

That stuff - that's the good stuff. That's what memories are for.

Adjusting to life post show, post dream, will be interesting. My entire life has gotten "better" because of this process. I have no desire to revert to the old me - so I plan to keep on keeping on. And continue being this version of myself. Besides, I already know my next dream - it comes with a big white dress and a handsome man at the end of an Iles. (see what I did there?)

Meal Plan 7

Immediately following cardio

Protein Shake - 1 Scoop with L-Glutamine

AM Workout  THEN

Meal 1: 4oz Flank Steak

4 Egg whites

2oz Yam

Meal 2: 3oz Tuna (rinse and drain)

1 cup Green Beans

Meal 3: 3oz Tuna (rinse/drain)

10 Asparagus spears (at least 4inches long)

1 TBSP Coconut Oil

Meal 4: 6oz Chicken Breast

11 Almonds

Meal 5: Protein Drink - 1 scoop 

Meal 6: 6oz Orange Roughi

10 Asparagus spears

Get plenty of sleep!! ha. haha. ha. 

Sometimes There Are No Words

Sometimes, I just don't know what to talk about. Now just because this isn't a meaningful post doesn't mean it's been a meaningless week - each week I learn a little about myself. This week it's mustering up the courage for this suit I'm expected to buy and wear. But I've racked my brain all day trying to decide what I want to blog about and I have no words I wish to type.

This process is second nature to me now - it is my way of life. I buy food, I prep food - Evan has started staying out in the living room anymore because he knows I have my "process". I auxiliary 3 nights a week and cardio/workout 5, my life revolved around the gym. I drink my protein with my morning coffee followed by water all. day. long.

I'll never be comfortable posting body update pictures - but as it says below "celebrate yourself" 

Every day I struggle. Every single day. And most of the time my amazing support system gets me through. Then there are those times where I need something more. So instead of posting my words I thought I'd post the words that I look to as a reminder to myself to keep going and to stay the course. Bring on week 8! 

When Something Clicks

Being successful can mean many different things to many different people. Having a healthy happy family, having all the things money can buy, simply getting married, or being able to fit into those size 6 pants . Whatever it is, we each have our list. And when it comes to Crossfit, the lists are even more diverse.

For some it's gymnastic movements, others it's oly lifting. Some still it's completing a WOD as prescribed or being able to do a push up. They're the things we want to be able to do someday. And when you get serious about it - you work the movement, you study others doing it, then one day - it clicks. And there was that perfect form on a snatch, those 2 more inches to get your chin over the bar, or learning how that kipping movement works for a bar up.

For the last 3 months I've eaten my plans, I've done extra work, and I've (tried) to take care of my body. As I've progressed through the weeks, I've noticed workouts getting "easier" (not that anything in Crossfit is easy haha) and I was beginning to be able to lift more weight. But lately - something's clicked. I'm able to do things that were never even on my list because I never even thought I'd get there.

My lifestyle has started clicking with Crossfit.

I wish I had something profound to say about that but alas it comes down to the simple truth that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm doing what my body has needed me to do. You can't eat a Big Mac with a diet Coke and still expect to lose weight. You can't only put in an hour a couple times a week at the gym and expect to see more rounds in the WOD. 

And that, my friends, is where I was living. 

Maybe not with the Big Mac (gross), but I expected more than what my body could give. I wanted so many things but wasn't willing to put in the effort to get them. So I became satisfied with being "decent". 

Decent. 

It sounds so mundane to me now. Nothing about life should be decent. You should never settle for a decent anything. 

I'm marrying a man - an extraordinary man - who has all of these ambitious plans and ideas and goals on his list for us. But I never bought into them, I'd just roll my eyes and say "ya, ok". We live a safe life, we live a sustainable life, we live a decent life. But now? I find myself imagining about that list. Can we do that? What if we took that risk? I'm finding myself thinking that some of these ideas might just be possible. 

This process has completely changed me. 

We have 9 more weeks till the show (9, single digits, oh em gee!). And I've still got a ways to go - in this journey and with Crossfit. But I'm going to eat up every second that I can - and pretend it's covered in chocolate. 

Ok maybe my rambling ended up somewhere near "profound".

Meal Plan #6

Meal 1: 2 whole eggs

2 egg whites

3 oz Flank steak

1/4c Frozen spinach (Here we go, round 2)

Meal 2: 6oz Ground Turkey

Green peppers or onions

4oz Yam (FREAKING YAMS!!!)

Meal 3: 6oz Orange Roughie

8 Asparagus spears

Mid Afternoon Snack: 6oz Orange Roughie

Meal 4: 4oz Flank steak

2oz Chicken breast

Over a bed of spinach

1/2 of a red pepper

4 rings of banana pepper

11 Pecans

Standards Aren't Made To Be Broken

[This blog started as my outlet, so here's my food for thought for those who may read this without me posting it up on social media] 

Today I did something I haven't done before, I performed an Open WOD a second time.

Every week I go into the Open workout with one thing in mind, go all out because I don't want to have to do this again. This week, however, was different. Five minutes into the 7 minute workout my coach comes over and says, "What you're doing is a no rep." It was like a Mac truck just slammed into me and I starting thinking back trying to remember how many did I do that shouldn't have counted? Crap. Should I still be working on the first set of 3?

I heard TIME called and I didn't even care what my score was. I knew immediately that I would be doing it again.

I spent 10 years of my life being a gymnast. My body is programmed to have straight legs and pointed toes. My body also knows movements like kips and handstands, which until now worked in my favor. But like with anything in life, there are standards in Crossfit. And it is my coaches and my judges responsibility to tell me when I'm not meeting those standards. And for that I say thank you and also dang it! Because what I was doing was too much gymnastics and not enough Crossfit. So I practiced, got some incredible advice from wonderful people, and prepared for round 2.

It wasn't about the reps, I'm not going to Regionals. It was the simple fact that I wanted to know I earned every rep the way it was intended. If that meant 10 or 20 reps shorter than Friday, I'd swallow that pill. Buuut that being said, when I stepped up to the bar Sunday morning, every bit of me wanted to at least match Friday's score.

One after another I singled my way through. Hearing cues from my coaches. Having a great judge reminding me it's one at a time and to take a beat between. And when I heard time and looked at Evan's face, I knew I'd done it. Then he smiled and said you just haaad to beat me huh?

I did 1 rep better than Friday.

I'm banged up, ripped up, and my bar ups still need work. But when I submit my score I'll have the peace of mind knowing I earned it. And that is all I needed.

Blueberry Breakfast Cake

That's right, CAKE! I made this last night and sent it to work with Evan so it wasn't tempting me in the house. I've been informed it is the perfect mid-morning pick me up and is even better after sitting in the fridge.

You could sub out the blueberries for another fruit. Or even better, remove completely and add cinnamon instead!

Ingredients
For Cake:
3/4 cup coconut flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
dash of salt
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/4 cup maple syrup (can sub for honey or agave)
1/4 cup coconut oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 large eggs, whisked lightly
1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1/4-1/2 cup blueberries

For Frosting:
4-6 T palm shortening, softened (15 seconds top in the microwave)
2 Tbsp honey or sweetener of choice
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 scoop vanilla protein powder (We love Pure Selection)
1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk





Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350. Grease an 8 x 8 baking dish with cooking spray and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and mix well.
In a small bowl, whisk the milk, vanilla extract and egg - pour into the dry mixture.
Add the melted coconut oil, maple syrup, and applesauce and mix very well until a batter is formed. Divide the batter in half.
In one half, fold through the blueberries.
Pour the blueberry filled batter to evenly cover the baking tray or loaf pan. Top with the other half of the batter.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until golden brown on top and a toothpick comes on clean.
 - It will feel spongy still but will hold it's shape
Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.

Soften the palm shortening in the microwave and add in honey, almond extract.
Mix the protein powder with the milk, then add to the shortening.
Wait until cake is completely cool before frosting (I let the cake sit in the fridge overnight).



**Note: It's best kept in the refrigerator before serving, allowing frosting to harden.

Enjoy!

I Want to Look Like Ah-nold

This weekend I was able to go check out the Arnold Sports Festival in Columbus and let me tell you, so cool! Watching fellow Crossfitters throw down some awesomeness in competition, walking around all the different vendors, and just seeing all the bodies of people much further along than me but going through the same prep. It was eye opening and oh so cool. Even saw a couple suits I liked! Which also freaked me out because those bottoms - oh my goodness. 

(Thinking emerald green, obvi)

When I started this journey I looked at a lot of photos. Photos of people in the process, photos of suits, photos of the type of girls I may compete against. And while that's all fine and dandy, seeing a girl and being like "so I may look like her after all this". It takes a lot - A LOT - to get there. A lot of will power, time, dedication. And recently I started struggling with all the things I can't have in order to get there.

I just need something zero calorie, zero carb, zero sugar, packed with protein and that tastes like a chocolate chip cookie. That's a thing right? Its out there, I just haven't found it yet? No. It doesn't exist. But that's just it, it's not that I can never ever again have a cookie, or mac-n-cheese, or pizza - I just can't have it for the next 10 weeks.

The world isn't over.

And after walking around the Arnold and seeing girls (the ones who still look like girls) who are competitors, who are what I want to be - it gave me a refresh. So instead of looking at it as what I can't have, I needed to change my mind set. 

"I get to have this in 10 weeks"

Because at the end of the day I want to walk across the stage knowing I did all I could. I don't want to have any regrets, especially over food. 

I'm a very visual person and have put a post it or two around the kitchen very similar to the photo on the right. So, I've started a list, a visual picture list to hang on the fridge next to the girls I want to look like. I know some of you may this I'm crazy, and truthfully I probably am. But this way I can easily remind myself, "I get to have this in 10 weeks, but first I get to look like this." 

Obviously I have a long way to go before I look like Ah-nold...maybe I just need different lighting. Or a better filter?